It’s been a long while since I’ve written anything, and the biggest reason is that life has been moving fast…and I mean fast! I’m finally starting to feel normal again. Things that were causing great deals of frustration and anxiety since my release have started to normalize and the amount of support I’ve received from friends and family has been overwhelming. I’m so lucky to have the support of so many people who know me, my heart, what I’ve stood for and overcome in my life.
One of the main reasons I’m writing this entry is to update everyone on a new “thing” in my life. Being locked up is not for the faint of heart. Sure, there are days that seem easier, but most days are filled with lots of doubt, anxiety, and drama. As I have wrote about before, the hardest part is being separated from your friends, family, and people who love and care for you. You have to find people that are in the trenches with you, and that you have commonalities with. I was lucky to have several of those people along my journey.
One of the new ways I coped with my situation was music. I had messed around on a guitar before, but I had no real training or to be even more honest, I had no clue how to truly play. However, I did know basic chords and had at least some rhythm when playing. We had a church service every Sunday and they were looking for someone who could play. This is when I met Shawn. Shawn and I lived in the same dorm and had a lot in common. Both “white collar” guys who loved our families and were just trying to stay positive and apply our time toward positive endeavors to help us to use the time to grow and become the type of men we wanted to be going forward. As Shawn led worship at the Sunday church service, we worked hard to learn music, and my growth on the guitar sped up rapidly. A friend sent me books on the guitar which I dove into and tried to absorb as much as I could. There were also several musicians at the facility that had played in bands, traveled, and were very good on guitar. As we got better with the worship songs, and the preaching got better and better, it was fun to watch the church grow. We were given tremendous encouragement from other people in our situation and that gave us confidence as we continued to grow.
Maybe it was boredom during the looonnnngg days or the holy spirit working in us, but Shawn and I became convicted to start writing music and share the change and what God was doing through us. I don’t think that either of us had ever attempted this before. There is a certain type of anxiety that builds when you are sharing your heart and your journey through words that come from your heart. Much like this blog, it’s sometimes frightening to think that you are going to be vulnerable to the world. This is something I still feel when people hear my music. I rested in the fact that I wasn’t doing this or am not writing music for myself or for pats on the back. I write in hopes that maybe someone is encouraged as they are going through there own personal battles. I also write songs to leave behind for my kids one day. Maybe something they can be proud. So far, I have 4 songs that I am fond of. The first of which will be released on most music platforms on June 24th. We were given the opportunity to go into a real recording studio and we had the experience of a lifetime and found ourselves doing something we never thought we’d do. I hope you’re encouraged by the words, and if you are going through tough times, know that you are not alone. God is there for us, to protect us, guide us, and give us hope as we navigate life. I had to find and accept grace as I went through my situation and know that even if I try my hardest, I will not always make the right decisions in life. As humans, I think perfection is the great lie that we expect from each other. It leads us to disappointment, discontent, and to be judgy of others, when we ourselves don’t want to be judged. The time away allowed me to grow in giving and receiving grace, and patience. I hope you enjoy the music, the vulnerability, and the hope that God can bring. If He could help me to grow, and learn through the hell I went through, then He can do the same for YOU!!
Derek