I sit here on a rainy weekend in Arkansas and I’m thinking about all I’ve been through over the last few years. My freedom has also brought about new challenges and opportunities that I’m also navigating now. I’m in the middle of reading a book, well actually 3, and there is not a better weekend to knock out some pages than this one. I need to also pause and apologize for not posting anything for a while.
One of the unique things about this blog is that it affords me the opportunity to be open, and vulnerable and process my thoughts. One thing I don’t want to overlook is that while there is a great deal of people who support me and read this, there could also be plenty of people who read it so they can poke holes, say mean things, or use what I say here to try and sabotage me out of spite. Sad, but true. There are those out there who just want to see you do worse than them. That’s how they get their kicks. It’s sick, but believe me, they are out there.
There are times when I want to write about something that I’m truly experiencing or going through, but the timing is not right. If I have learned anything through all this, is that there is a process, and I must learn to trust it. So, for today I want to talk about mindset! One of my absolute favorite topics! Let’s dive in….
The following questions come from a book I’m reading called Mindset by Carol Dweck Ph.D.
Do you think that you have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset?
Think about these 4 questions and decide which statement you agree with….
- Your intelligence is something very basic about you that you can’t change very much.
- You can learn new things, but you can’t really change how intelligent you are.
- No matter how much intelligence you have, you can always change it quite a bit.
- You can always substantially change how intelligent you are.
Question 1 and 2 are the fixed-mindset questions. Questions 3 and 4 reflect the growth mindset. You also have beliefs about other abilities. Carol says you could substitute “artistic talent,” “sports ability,”, or “business Skill” for “intelligence.”
It doesn’t stop at your abilities. It’s also your personal qualities. Decide whether you mostly agree or mostly disagree with each one.
- You are a certain kind of person, and there is not much that can be done to really change that.
- No matter what kind of person you are, you can always change substantially.
- You can do things differently, but the important parts of who you are can’t really be changed.
- You can always change basic things about the kind of person you are.
Here, questions 1 and 3 are the fixed-mindset questions, and questions 2 and 4 reflect the growth mindset.
Dr. Dweck goes on to say that your “personality mindset” comes into play in situations that involve your personal qualities-for example, how dependable, cooperative, caring, or socially skilled you are. The fixed mindset makes you concerned with how you’ll be judged; the growth mindset makes you concerned with improving.
Mindset is something that has always been a challenge for me personally and in relationships. I frequently feel strain in relationships that I have with people who are of a fixed mindset. Then there is the exhausting strain of communicating with those who are consistently pretending to be of a growth mindset but are obviously in a fixed mindset. I’m not even saying that one is better to have than the other. I’m just trying to do a better job personally of having healthy relationships with fixed mindset types.
It’s no secret to anyone reading this blog that I spent time in a federal prison for a “white-collar” crime. Leading up to, during, and even after my time I continue to dissect how I could ever be so dumb to get involved in something like that. It’s certainly not something I’m proud of, but at the same time I’m grateful for going through it. I used the time to grow, and grow I did! (This is the part where you scoffers roll your eyes…. go ahead…I’ll wait) …. see, don’t you feel better? Because to a scoffer, it’s all about them.
I believe it’s the growth mindset that also convinced me to move forward with something that would help my family and ignore the fact that it could potentially land me in prison. So, while a growth mindset can be good, I also need to harness that energy and make sure that I’m not ignoring red flags that lie in the path of growing.
I read very little prior to my stint in federal prison, but I gained a newfound appreciation for the knowledge you gain from books that the internet just doesn’t touch. There is something about that screen and videos that stifles creativity. I find myself getting lost in books and it’s also where a lot of myself evaluation comes from as it requires me to move past the surface.
Having a growth mindset is a journey. You don’t always have to succeed, but just the idea that you’re focused on growing and recognizing that sometimes the problem isn’t everyone else, it’s you. I believe everyone can raise your level of intelligence, your artistic talent, sports ability, and/or business skill. I also believe that no matter what kind of person you are, you can always change substantially. Just remember that the ones who have agendas against you (ex-wives, jealous family members, and just plain ol’ haters) will always find reasons to put you in their box. They may never truly give you a chance.
But besides you, there are another 799,999,999 billion people in the world, and surely you can find a group of people that want to see you succeed. I choose to surround myself with those people. They make life, easier and more fun. It’s far less exhausting to be supportive than to spend your energy displaying vitriol.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and learn more about me. I’m doing great since getting out. God has shown me more favor than I deserve, and He has been showing out. If you think about me, Thank You. If you pray for me, Thank you. I need them all!