Would you be surprised if I told you that I’m a lucky man? People may look at a guy in my position and ask how I could consider myself lucky after all I’ve been through. I’m lucky because of the people I have in the foxhole with me. Of course. I’ve endured some tough weather, and I’ve been battered and bruised. I’ve seen the opposite of justice on many occasions. I could focus on those things, but they don’t help me better my life. As I near my release, the amount of people running to jump in the foxhole with me is overwhelming.
In military speaking, the foxhole is a fighting position. In life it will be the people I choose to surround myself with. These people know my history and make themselves aware of my future goals and limitations. Because a foxhole is a fighting position, I’m aware that it can also easily become my grave. Therefore, it will be crucial that I’m careful about who I invite in. I don’t want to include people in my foxhole who lack faith or will try to steer me away from my full potential. Giving me permission to feel down and depressed or over sympathizing when things are hard, is not helpful. I’ve always had a hard time with sympathy. Maybe it works for you, but it always makes me feel worse. I am more encouraged by empathy and people who offer solutions to life problems. So, with that, I want my foxhole to include people who are aware and resourceful and can help me get back the person that I lost through this trial in my life.
As I start my life over, I want to inspire others to overcome their struggles by bearing witness to mine. I want to show that the way I live my life is proof of the effort I’ve put in. I am fortunate to have a support group of people who love me and refuse to give up on me. It’s only inspired me to give even more effort than ever before as I rebuild my life.
It’s important to remember that just because someone is an old friend or close relative, it doesn’t automatically qualify them for the foxhole. Some people may not want me to succeed. They may feel threatened by my growth and how it could impact them. Then I also realize that some may just be looking for a friend to keep them company while they stay complacent in perpetual misery and go nowhere. I will certainly love and encourage them through that, but I must stay committed to greater things.
In order to choose the right people for my foxhole, I must first know who I am as an individual. This was a slow and organic process during my time in prison to strip away all the doubt, worry, fear and face down some of the most dangerous situations and then to come out fearless in many ways. Had I not gone through this, I don’t know if I ever would have shed all the doubt, worry and fear that had consumed my life. I’m grateful that God chose this path for me. I am saddened that some will never get the opportunity to endure something that changes them at their core. It may be the one thing that is holding them back from reaching their true potential. I decided to bring a great deal of intentionality to the journey. Because of this, my individualization has been accelerated. I believe God chose me for this mission knowing that not everyone is built for it. I am.
As I go back out in the world, I feel lucky for all the reasons above. A greater awareness and heightened level of emotional intelligence is what I’ve gained. Don’t get me wrong… I still have triggers and there is still much to work on. It’s a forever type of thing. Yet I’m on the right path. And those triggers only present me with opportunities to check myself. As long as those in the foxhole with me stay close, then there should be nothing I can’t accomplish.
Derek