What if I told you that as it relates to success, the biggest difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of, and response to failure…
Failure is inevitable for all of us at some point or another. Sometimes it’s even just the fear of failure that can bind us in reaching our full potential.
I remember my first college history class at the University of Central Arkansas. It was taught by a professor named Theman Taylor. Professor Taylor walked into the class the first day and scared the living daylights out of us. Professor Taylor was a black man in his late 50s or early 60s, gray hair combed up, a perfectly trimmed beard, and he was dressed to the nines. I don’t know if ever in my life up until that point, had I met a man with more confidence than professor Theman. As class commenced, he stared out at all of us. The room was so quiet that you could have heard a mouse walking on cotton. He then directed us to look at the classmate on our left and then on our right. He informed us that they would be lucky if they made it to the end of his class. He spoke about how proud he was that his class was the toughest on campus, and that we had better be prepared because his tests were straight essay tests. He wanted to put fear in us. I can remember thinking that I was not going to make it out of that class. I let the fear handicap me. As the first test came, I had already convinced myself that I wasn’t going to make a good grade on it. My writing skills were nowhere near the level they needed to be to pass an essay test. So based on that, I decided it didn’t matter how much I studied. Well, you can guess that I did poorly, but it wasn’t because of my writing, it was because of my effort. I proceeded to stick it out and after the first test jitters I regained my composure and ultimately passed the class. Had I continued to think negatively, I’m not sure I would have had the same outcome.
My perspective about how well I was going to do on that test, is what hindered my ability to be successful. However, perspective is a choice. Choosing to have the right perspective leads to perseverance, perseverance brings longevity, and longevity brings you more opportunities for success. By changing the way, I was thinking, I changed my perspective. I stayed in the class and gave myself more opportunities to succeed.
As it relates to my current life struggles, I must change my perspective to help myself persevere. My perception of and response to my mistakes determine whether my actions are failures. Preparing for success can be hindered if I stay on what John Maxwell calls the “failure freeway”. He states that it’s a very common mistake. People who stay on the failure freeway don’t think that it’s their fault when they mess up. We all make mistakes, but many people refuse to admit them. In order to get off this “failure freeway” we must find an exit. In order to leave this road of failure, I must first utter the three most difficult words to say, “I was wrong”. Every failure we experience is a fork in the road. It’s an opportunity to take the right action, learn from my mistakes, and begin again.
So, in order to consider what I’m going through a success, I’ve had to change my response to failing by accepting responsibility and own it. No matter how daunting the circumstances of my life may be, the greatest battle I wage against failure occurs on the inside, not the outside.
How do I choose to fight the battle? I start by cultivating the right attitude. For me, optimism doesn’t come naturally. My mind tends to become aware of all that could go wrong first, then I allow myself to focus on the good. It’s interesting in studying books written by people who teach you to be optimistic in the face of everything and anything. No pun intended. But being eternally optimistic can be dangerous as well. However, overall, I do agree with the idea that having a more positive outlook and being more optimistic is good practice. After all, my success is going to depend on my ability to overcome the voices that tell me, that after my charge this world is not FOR me. I’m optimistic that there are those who will say, that one mistake doesn’t define me and be there, with an opportunity to help me get back in the game. I’m so very humbled that I still have the support of every boss I’ve ever had. They’ve been incredibly influential both professionally and personally. They know my heart, know my work ethic and have all taught me so much. Even if you’re not a naturally optimistic person, you can always choose to change your outlook more positively.
One thing I’ve learned is to always practice contentment. It’s not a popular concept these days. We tend to live in a world that preaches more, more, more. I believe that a healthy form of contentment will be crucial to my success. I will practice by expecting the best will come from everything, remain upbeat, seeing solutions to every problem, believing in myself and holding on to hope. Another way I view success is to add positive action to a positive attitude. I’ve always been considered a leader and have a unique talent of being able to rally people to achieve a goal. One does not accomplish this by simply showing up and being good with words. I always put in the work to study charts, graphs and any material available to be able to present facts along with a plan. That gives my audience the confidence that, together we can achieve our goal and the steps to reach it.
Another measure of success to me, is being able to speak about my emotions and the past in order to let them go. I could go on and on about my opinion of all I’ve experienced here but it doesn’t help me achieve my goal. I don’t want to allow my negative experiences to color the way I live my life today. I don’t want to make light of them, but I want to move forward. We as a people, will suffer genuine tragedies in this imperfect world. We may suffer through a death of a loved one, contract a terrible disease or suffer unspeakable abuses at the hands of others. All these things are hard, but they don’t have to stop me from possessing a positive outlook, being productive and living life to the fullest. No matter how bad a person’s past is, it need not permanently color their present.
When we go through tragedies, it often presents an opportunity to have a breakdown or a breakthrough…or both! As you go through a breakdown you will cycle through feelings of comparison, rationalization, isolation, regret and bitterness. A breakthrough will usually occur during moments of significant change in your life. These can also be called “turning points”. These turning points can provide perspective and can give you the ability to view the major changes within the larger framework of your life and help start the healing process. Learning from these turning points has helped me to grow at a deeper level during this transformation. Important steps to having a breakthrough start with acceptance, acknowledgement of the pain, and then forgiveness to people involved, including myself.
There is a famous line from the Broadway play “Les Misérables”, in it, Jean Valjean declares, “it is nothing to die, it is an awful thing to have never lived”. I think that’s what it’s like for people who deny their internal flaws, bury them and then try to pretend they don’t exist. If I’m going to be the very best version of myself, then I must know who I am and face my flaws honestly. Afterall, we all have them. This will bring about lasting change in my attitude after all I’ve endured. Also, in order to consider myself a success story, I’m going to have to work at turning my attention away from myself and toward helping others. I’ve always had a strong desire to help others. I believe I’m designed to seek valuable connections with people who put others before themselves. The actions of one man can affect many, and I want my actions to affect many in the most positive way. An ordinary man could always do something extraordinary.
People claim all the time that once they are successful or make a bunch of money that they will help others or give back. Very few do. Money and success are not a defining factor to one’s ability to give back. Sometimes your time is the most valuable thing you can give someone. I’ve always tried to be the one who gave back in whatever means was possible. There are many players and students of mine that would give you examples, and that will be their story to tell. I did it because I loved them, because love is the greatest commandment bestowed on us by God. In those moments life has meaning.
Another way I see being successful is by not taking myself too seriously. Earlier I mentioned my strength and leadership, I think I garnered more respect from those around me because I didn’t take myself overly serious. You must have the ability to lighten up at certain times. Most of us think that we are far more important than we really are. A sense of humor can go a long way in your success. It’s also most likely, that if you’re taking yourself too seriously, then you won’t be putting others first. Selfishness and self-absorption will never breed success. I used to have a quote at the bottom of every e-mail I sent. I got it from my fearless leader at the time, Tom Deckleman. It says, “You can get everything in life you want if you help enough other people get what they want”. I’ve sense also seen this written from Zig Zigler. Putting others first and finding out what they need, can help me bring value to their life and will help me in my pursuit of being successful again.
I look forward to the opportunity to prove myself again. I made a mistake. I’m paying dearly for it, that doesn’t mean that life is over. I believe in the best of humanity and that someone will give me an opportunity again. I look forward to that day. Until then, I will continue to pursue knowledge to help me when that opportunity comes. It is coming soon, and I’ll be ready.